Making a list...checking it twice!

Nope, not my Christmas list, but my Step 8 list. Yup, it is that time again. Time to take a look at the harms I have done and didn't take care of in a timely manner. I do have to say that my list is much much shorter than it was at one time, but sadly there are still people on said list that have been on there since I first sobered up. But not for long!!

Friday the 13th

I am at work and just realized that it is Friday the 13th. Do you know why people are superstitious and fear this day? There are a few different ideas out there as to why the superstition but I think the most well known has to do with the Kights Templar, as this was the day the King Phillip ordered the arrest of the Knights on October 13, 1307.

Another comes from Norse mythology... Friday is named for Frigga, the free-spirited goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to a mountaintop and labeled a witch. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess convened a meeting with eleven other witches, plus the devil - a gathering of thirteen - and plotted ill turns of fate for the coming week. For many centuries in Scandinavia, Friday was known as "Witches' Sabbath."

For me, it is just another day. Not good luck, not bad luck. If you know of any other origin myths about Friday the 13th, let me know.


A friend just sent me this one...

in numerology the no# 12 is consider the number of completeness ,as reflected in the 12 months of the year ,12 zodiac signs ,12 hours on the clock,12 tribes of Israel12 apostles,12 gods of Olympus and etc.where as the no#13 was consider irregular ,or the last super or the Norse myth that having 13 people seated at the table will result in death of one of the diners ,and back in the old days friday was a bad day ,that all my love .

Fresh Snow

There is just something about the mountain tops being freshly dusted with snow and the sun shining brightly on them. **deep sigh** Thank you Goddess for such a beautiful day. Blessed Be!

Depression??

I think I may have found a link to my periodic depression and it's evil name is...PROCRASTINATION!! Yup, it seems that when I put things off again and again, I go to a oh so familiar place of pajamas and isolation. Sunday was a good (or bad) example of this. It was a beautiful, sunny, warmish November afternoon. Jami was doing what he loves to do best, fishing, and I, being the wonderful girlfriend that I am, was going to meet him there later with lunch and coffee in hand. Well, I am not exactly sure how it happened but I quickly found myself ignoring the work I had to do and snuggled under the blanket on the couch...just staring at the ceiling. Eventually, I just sent him a message saying I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be coming. Bad...bad...girlfriend!! I layed there until after 4 o'clock when he walked in the door. I had done nothing but sleep the entire day away, and felt terribly guilty. Which I might add, made me want to hide even more.
As I gave this more thought, I realized that I wasn't depressed, I was hiding from my responsibility, and the more I hid, the worse I felt so the more I tried to hide!! What a terrible vicious circle!
One good thing though is I know now that when I get in a mood like this, I am not slipping back into the depression I once knew when I was drinking and using. It is just that, a mood and only I can choose to change that mood. So before I went to bed on Sunday, I vowed that each morning when I woke, I was going to choose to be happy and just take, moment by moment, what is sent my way. That is all I can do.

Freedom!

I am currently in a step group and had the opportunity to do another step 5 on Friday. WOOHOO!! I think I have actually come to somewhat enjoy doing Step 5. I mean, maybe not so much while actually doing it, but certainly the feeling of freedom that is left behind. The problem with it this time however, is after I had done my step four, I had sat in the shit far too long before actually having a chance to meet with my sponsor and relieve myself of the stench of the poopy diaper I had been sitting in. But it is now done, and I definitely feel free. I got to let go of a few things that I had not gotten rid of the last couple step 5's I did. I truly feel free today...and another day older. I celebrated my 37th birthday yesterday and I have to say that although it wasn't all fancy and fanfare, it was truly one of the best birthday's I have had in a very long time. Thank you so much to my kids, my beau and my family for making me feel so special. xo

Not sure what to say...

...I have never gone this long without posting at least something and I am not sure why I stopped. Loss of interest, indifference? Just another one of my character defects that I have to continue to work on...starting something and not finishing. Aaarrgghhh...this living thing is a lot of hard work isn't it? I do want to say however, that things are going very well, in pretty much every aspect of my life...relationship, kids, work, sobriety. I really have nothing to complain about. I hope that all of you in the blogger world are doing well too. I will try not to be gone so long this time.

Hugs,
~A

Steps to Recovery

I am so excited! I have joined another step group. This will be the 4th time working through the steps with a group of people. The only difference this time is that the group is woman only. I think this will be good for me. Myself, like the other women in the group have expressed the distrust they felt toward other women when they first came in and still feel that way but to a lesser degree. I think that this is a great opportunity for me to let my guard down and let some wonderful, sober women into my life.

I watched the movie "I love you man" the other night...funny movie, I almost pee'd my pants. But, inside I kept thinking...omg, that is me! I have NO close friends. Lots of acquaintances, but no real friends, besides J of course. I have always had a very difficult time nurturing friendships and although I am clearly aware of the defect...I still struggle very hard with correcting it. Perhaps that will be my main goal this step group, that is what I will work on. Trusting and nurturing.